What My Daughter Needs to Know About Drama

Can we talk about drama? And I don’t mean the kind that captured my heart in high school, when I transformed into a character on stage. I am talking about a different kind of drama—found in high school too…but oh, so not fun in any way.

I have a tween girl. And knowing this time was coming, I’ve quietly anticipated the drama I’m talking about.

All you moms of girls know that drama is a real issue among our daughters. For those of you who don’t have this in your every day, it’s basically the interactions that stir up an us vs. them mentality among peers, initiates sneaky backbiting whispers, sends dirty looks, and inflates ever-destructive gossip.

One might think it’s easily avoidable. But it’s not. Because I don’t just see it among little girls in classrooms, I see it among adults all the time. I see it in all sorts of places. It’s no wonder impressionable kids absorb the need to practice drama in their own lives, especially if it’s abundant in the world of those they look up to.

My consistent piece of advice since my tween hit double digits is “if there’s drama, walk the other way”. But, a recent bout of drama sent my daughter into tears, then into anger, then into wanting to prove she has enough friends that one lost friendship wouldn’t bother her. And while I was super impressed with her willingness to show her resilience to the “drama”, I was also conflicted by her fierce attitude of payback.

Uh…maybe I need to have a few more bits of advice at the ready. Because ‘walking away’ isn’t always easy when you’re dragged into it…or unintentionally play a role in the mess.

I’ve been considering a few more things I will play on repeat until she’s grown:

👉 Kindness doesn’t mean giving your heart away. It’s a response, not a surrender. But it is absolutely necessary all the time. Has meanness ever ended drama? Nope.

👉Saying sorry is important if you did something wrong. Even if you don’t get a sorry back for what they did wrong (and don’t wait for their apology…move on, darling…move on).

👉Be the good. Be aware of the bad but continue to be the light you’ve been created for.

👉Yes, words break hearts, don’t let them break your spirit. You are wonderfully made. And, in fact, those girls are too. They just made mistakes.

👉Some friendships are for a season. Some aren’t meant to be. That’s okay. You have your people. Pray they’ll have theirs.

👉Always talk to Mom. She’s been there. Done that. She can see through most facades at this point. And most of all she loves you more than you’ll ever realize.


Fortunately, the drama resolved itself by apologies and reconciliation this time. But I realized my job is far from settling down with my fourth child a year away from teen-hood. It’s just ramping up to a whole new ball game. Not the sports-centric, competitive type of my boys…but the heart-ripping, esteem-teetering, heart-hardening warning signs for my daughter.

I am up for the challenge–not only to protect her, but mostly, to equip her in a life-giving way.

Moms, do you have any advice you’d add to my list?


Published by Angie Dicken

I am an author, mother, and wife. Follow me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/dicken.angie

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