I’ll admit, I have struggled these past several days. Grief hits as I face the reality that my children are witnessing evil running rampant and I can’t do a damn thing about it.
I’ve racked my brain, trying to figure out my part in knowing, witnessing, and caring so much. Maybe rip off the scales from the eyes of those I love? I did find a wonderful site for former loyalists who shared the difficulty of breaking free from ideology. But, sending unsolicited links would no doubt heap hatred on my good intention. And honestly, I would also be offended, and unchanged, if I were sent an unsolicited link.
I reached out to a favorite blogger—Fr. Stephen Freeman—and he shared:
“The most “political” act any of us can perform is to love. Love God, love our neighbor, love our children. Do the good that is at hand.”
It soothed my inner-tirade a bit. I truly believe him. I know it’s what Christ would have me do. But understanding that and seeing what some are labeling, “Christian”, I lose my inner battle far too quickly.
Last night, after reading the news and hearing horrible sound bytes and justifications, I was a mess, and I edged near despair, completely losing heart to the hate narrative.
But this morning, I opened this little BIG book, and it confirmed the wisdom I had been given a few days ago. Today, my heart was desperate for it.
Here’s an excerpt from Anne Lamott’s book (published in 2018), Almost Everything, Notes on Hope:
“This country has felt more stunned and doomed than at any time since the assassinations of the 1960’s and the Vietnam War, and while a sense of foreboding may be appropriate, the hate is not. At some point, the hate becomes an elective. I was becoming insane, letting politicians get me whipped up into visions of revenge, perp walks, jail. And this was satisfying for a time. But it didn’t work as a drug, neither calming nor animating me. There is no beauty or safety in hatred. As a longterm strategy, based on craziness, it’s doomed.
No one can take this hatred off me. I have to surrender it every time I become aware of it.”
She wrote this 8 years ago, wonder what she thinks now? I trust she’s grown and still practicing weeding hatred out. Much of her book discusses the sentiment of Fr. Stephen too. They are very different authors and people! But, their wisdom is inspiration to this beaten-down heart.
I’d like to say I am all better now. That’s never true on this side of Heaven. Hatred is a temptation. It’s ugly and unsafe. It’s the tool chosen by our leaders—I don’t want to be like them, and sometimes, like St. Paul, I do what I don’t want to do.
I will always struggle, but I hope to keep my ears and eyes open to correction. I need to keep loving, praying, confessing, and listen to those who are a few steps ahead of me in this journey.
Thank God for the village (and some really good authors too).
