Not Feeling Like Myself

I haven’t been myself lately. And today, I finally took a step to proactively figure out what’s going on. I am thankful to have a wise counselor in my life.

There are lots of things we discussed, including some pretty straightforward parenting tips. A few tears were shed, and a moment of realizing I was exactly where I needed to be.

Not just for my mental health, but for my spirituality.

I am learning—or relearning—that my mind and spirituality are two different things. If I am struggling with my mental health, that doesn’t mean that I am off with God. Too often, I value what I “think” above everything else. Something I learned today was that depression distorts our thinking. if I relied on God to be present first and foremost in my mind, then how easily He becomes distorted by my own fallible thinking when my health is off. No, God is right within me—in my heart, in my spirituality—and even if my human mind is floundering, God is still with me, and I am okay, I just need some help.

Do you know how enlightening this is to someone who allowed the negative voices in my mind, direct my perceived spiritual wellness in Christ?

If you are in a muddled mental health season (which 88% of us experience it at one time or another), remember, you are not what you think. If what you think degrades who God says you are, degrades God’s fullness at all, then you’ll know what I mean.

If any of this resonates with you, I encourage seeking the help of a wise counselor, spiritual father, or trusted doctor. God made us for community after all—and there are those who are just wiser, equipped by the Great Healer, to help our minds get healthy, Even if our hearts are in the right place.

Journey Toward Nativity: Childlike Faith

A childlike faith?

This quote is mentioned in my study Bible when referring to Luke 18:16,17–

“But Jesus called them to Him and said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Assuredly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.”

Imagine a child growing into a man untainted by pride, arrogance, and hatred? There has only been One. And He fulfilled what this faith is supposed to look like from his first infant-breath to His last crucified sigh. Thankfully, that last breath is not the end of the story, but the precursor for Light to fill all.

What does it look like for me? I am far from the heart of a child. But I am fully aware of the examples Christ gives to return to His way. I can rest in repentance, in Hope, in the beauty of Life around me—the witness of God above. I don’t want to focus on the plastic things of Christmas. But the treasures bestowed upon us by a loving God—the light I see in hearts around me, the hope ever present in His Word, and the sacred space He’s drawn me to in worship and adoration.

I hope to step as a child toward Him this season, not as one focused on the stuff, but like the infant who cares only about the parent saying, “come to Me”.

This advent season, I hope to journey toward the Nativity, reviving a heart of childlike faith with each and every thankful breath.

Evidences

My kids are finding their ways—and while I may have given them a little push in the right direction (or the direction I thought was right), they are tumbling and bumbling down hills and through pastures of their own findings. My little push was more of a suggestion, I must admit.

There are things I can own as the mom of not doing everything right. The realization of where I went wrong sometimes slaps me like a strong winter wind—icy and near-unbearable knowing now what I obviously didn’t then.

Yet, if I retreat a little—if I step away from the seasonable evidences of before and jump into the thick of the season now, I know that I have done something right…or at least, that Someone is doing something right in my kids, regardless of me. I am proud of them. I miss them already—even though they are under my roof. They are making their lives work without my constant supervision.

But the season still wears and tears at my heart, because I am rarely ready for change, and hardly realize it till my heart is aching.